Are your kids driving you mad?

Being a parent is a tough job. No-one else can be as frustrating as your own kids - even when you love them. Everyone has bad days. All parents experience bad feelings towards their children.

Parents are under a lot of stress. Maybe:

• you gave up an interesting job and now find yourself tied to your home and a demanding baby or toddler;
• you miss your work friends and seem to have lost your identity;
• you have taken a new partner - and didn't realise what it would be like taking on their children as well;
• you're unemployed or a solo parent, not getting much money or support;
• your teenage children are making life difficult by arguing with you and wanting to make their own decisions;
• you have to work long hours and you are tired and cross when you get home;
• you find yourself resenting things you can't do because of the children.

....if this is happening you need to get help.

How can you tell when you need help?

You may need help if you answer "Yes" to any of the following questions:

• Do you feel anxious, get frustrated and angry when the baby cries?
• Do you resent your kids and wish sometimes that you had never had them?
• Do you think your child is deliberately trying to annoy you when he or she refuses to eat or makes a mess?
• Do you think your child is deliberately trying to make work for you when he or she refuses to use the toilet or soils a nappy?
• Is one or more of your children especially naughty or difficult to manage?
• Do you think your partner might be saying or doing hurtful things to your children?
• Have you a child who wasn't wanted and you don't really like him or her very much?
• Are there times when you feel you can't cope alone and have no-one to turn to?
• Do you feel that your children are too demanding, especially when you are tired?
• Do you resent being left to mind someone else's kids?
• Do you ever smack or shake a baby or toddler to try to make the child stop crying?
• Do you ever, when you are tired and frustrated, throw a crying child back into the cot?
• Do you leave your children alone or with someone else for long periods of time just to get away from them?
• Do you feel angry when your children fail to measure up to your expectations?
• Do you let your children stay up late because it's easier to let them fall asleep in front of the TV than try to get them to bed when they don't want to go?
• Do you yell and lash out at your children when you are under stress?
• As a last resort do you give children drugs or alcohol to put them to sleep and give you a bit of peace?
• Have you ever burnt or scalded a child deliberately?
• Do you ever hit with a belt or cord and leave marks?
• Do you watch your partner hurt your children and do nothing about it because you are frightened?
• Do you let your children be out for long periods, especially at night, when you don't know where they are or who they are with?
• Do you sometimes withhold food or love from your child as punishment?

If you know someone else who is hurting or neglecting their children, try to persuade them to get help. If they refuse and a child is being hurt or abused please contact your local office of the Children and Young Person's Service ( Department of Social Welfare ) and tell them about it.