Dating Websites

Are you single and looking for love online? Well that’s okay but Police want to remind you to use your common sense to keep yourself safe when meeting people online.

Here are a few tips that will help.

• Anyone can pretend to be someone else and post information that isn’t true. There is no way to know if someone is being honest about his or her age, or even gender.
• Don’t reveal your surname, home or email address, workplace information or any phone numbers until you completely trust the person you're communicating with. Don't feel pressured to share any details before you are ready.
• If someone is making you feel uncomfortable then stop returning messages.
• Communicate through the dating website until you're absolutely ready to move onto the next step. If you're not comfortable with the outcome of the phone calls then there is no need to take things any further.
• Do not give out your bank account details or offer your credit card numbers to anyone, no matter how good their reasons for asking might appear. Never send money to people you have met through a dating website. Alert the dating website immediately if anyone asks you for money.
• Ask to see photos - if you've been chatting with someone and they refuse to provide a picture (or the picture looks like it may have been 'borrowed' from a website), be suspicious. You have a right to ask for more than one photo.
• If you are going to meet face to face, meet in a public area, take a friend or tell someone where you are going and when to expect you home.
• Don’t feel bad about cutting the date short. If it doesn't feel right to you, make your excuses and leave.
• Sometimes a date might go further than expected. Don’t do anything you don’t want to. If you change your mind about how far you want to go with someone, you can stop what is happening at any time. You do not need to apologise. You don’t owe them anything. Be clear and insistent.
• Report any problems to the dating website and anything more serious to Police.

Remember - trust your instincts!

Socialising

• Make sure your phone is fully charged before you head out.
• If you are planning on drinking, then it’s a good idea to have something substantial to eat before you start drinking.
• Plan how you're getting home at the end of your night.
• Always take cash or an eftpos card just in case you need to pay for transport home.
• Don't wander off from your friends when out and about. It’s easy to lose people in clubs so always let your friends know where you're going.
• Have a place to meet up with your friends if you get separated.
• Have a glass of water between each alcoholic drink.
• Don’t leave your drink unattended or accept any drinks that you haven't personally seen poured, especially from strangers.
• Make sure you’re going home with the same number of people you started with. Look after your friends.
• Program a taxi number into your phone.

Running / Walking at night

• Carry a phone with you.
• Make sure you tell someone where you’re going and how long you expect to be.
• Stick to well-lit and busy areas.
• Avoid alleyways or shortcuts.
• Stick to areas that you are familiar with.
• It’s always safer to exercise with another person or in a group.

If you have been a victim of sexual assault you may also provide feedback to the New Zealand Police by completing a short survey. It will be used to improve the quality of service Police provide to victims of sexual abuse.

The survey can be completed anonymously. Please click on the link below.

Adult sexual assault victims survey

Complaints

Find a Sexual Assault Support service near you

Find your nearest Police Station

Information for victims of sexual assault booklet (PDF, 861KB)

Adult sexual assault victims survey

Victim’s Rights

More support

Other agencies that can offer you information and help include:

• National Rape & Sexual Abuse Crisis Line: 0800 88 33 00
• NZPC: Aotearoa Sex Workers’ Collective
• Rape Prevention Education
• Safe to talk
• Te Ohaakii a Hine – National Network Ending Sexual Violence Together
• The Court Process | Ministry of Justice
• Victims Information | Ministry of Justice

What are my rights during the investigation?

The Victims’ Rights Act 2002 gives you rights and requires Police to:

• Treat you with courtesy and compassion.
• Respect your dignity and privacy.
• Advise of services available to you.
• Keep you informed of progress in the investigation.
• Advise you whether charges are laid and what the charges are, or the reasons for not laying charges.

Complaints and Feedback

If you have any concerns about the way your investigation is being handled you can contact the National Sexual Violence Team at Police National Headquarters for advice, by emailing ASA@police.govt.nz.

If you have been a victim of sexual assault you may also provide feedback to the New Zealand Police by completing a short survey. It will be used to improve the quality of service Police provide to victims of sexual abuse.

The survey can be completed anonymously. Please click on the link below.

Adult sexual assault victims survey

Sexual assault myths and facts

Myth: Sexual assaults are only committed by strangers.
Fact: The majority of people who commit sexual assaults know their victims and in some cases are relations, friends or work colleagues. Partners and spouses can also commit sexual assaults.

Myth: Rape is a 'spur of the moment' act.
Fact: Most rapists plan carefully in advance, and set up situations so the rape can take place. A rapist is capable of raping again and again.

Myth: Rape only happens when men lose their self-control.
Fact: Men who rape know exactly what they are doing. Research shows that men who sexually offend often do so to gain a sense of power and authority.

Myth: A woman can't be raped by her husband.
Fact: Rape in marriage is not uncommon. It's also a crime. When a spouse is forced to have sex through emotional or financial blackmail it is rape. Rape or sexual assaults can occur within marriage and/or relationships whether the victims are heterosexual or homosexual.

Myth: It is not that serious. I don’t need to report it as it won’t happen again.
Fact: Rape and/or sexual assault are criminal offences which carry sentences of imprisonment. The perpetrator may reoffend if they are not challenged by Police.

Myth: Women 'ask for it' by the way they dress or behave.
Fact: This is like saying that someone wants to be robbed because they have money in their wallet. Rapists look for easy targets, not women who dress or behave in a particular way. Nobody asks to be hurt or degraded.

Myth: Only young women are raped.
Fact: Rape is an act of violence that can happen at any time in a person’s life regardless of age, ethnicity, sexual orientation or gender.

Myth: 'Men cannot be sexually assaulted'.
Fact: Any unwanted sexual contact against any person by any other person is a sexual assault.

Myth: 'Male rape is a gay crime'.
Fact: Sexual assault is ultimately about power, control or domination of the other person, rather than a sexual attraction to one specific gender.

Myth: ‘Women always lie about rape.’
Fact: Women are more likely to deny or minimise sexual assault experiences than make them up. Those working with male sex offenders say one of the hardest things is overcoming the men’s denial that they did anything wrong.

Myth: ‘Alcohol causes rape.’
Fact: Alcohol can reduce inhibitions, but does not remove the responsibility of raping, or justify a victim being raped. ‘Having sex’ with a person too drunk to consent, or asleep or unconscious, is rape.

If it has just happened then:

• If you are able to, get to a place where you will be safe.
• Dial 111 and ask for police.
• Do not shower or bathe as that may destroy forensic evidence.
• Try to avoid going to the toilet as that may also destroy forensic evidence.
• Do not wash or throw away the clothing you were wearing during the assault as you may also destroy forensic evidence.
• Do not tidy up or move things in the place where the sexual assault occurred.

If it has not just happened:

• You can still report a rape or sexual assault if it happened to you days, weeks, months or even years ago.
• Contact the New Zealand Police directly by either phoning or visiting your nearest Police station.
• If you are now residing overseas and are considering laying a complaint in regards to offending that occurred in New Zealand, then please contact the Sexual Violence Team at Police National Headquarters at ASA@police.govt.nz for advice.

What can I do if I don’t want to report it to Police or I need more support?

There are a number of sexual assault support services that can provide specialist help for victims of sexual assault.

If you feel you need more information and /or support before you speak to Police, then there is an agency near you that can help.

Contacting us for advice

If you just want to find out what your options are and how to get help, please talk to us. You do not have to make a formal complaint.

We can help you with advice and put you in touch with agencies that can offer support and counselling.

What happens when you contact police?

Contacting Police by phone

• Phone your nearest Police station and tell the person who answers the phone that you want to report a sexual assault.
• They will make an appointment for you to come in to the station or they will arrange for an officer to come to you.
• If your nearest police station is not open 24 hours and you call outside opening hours, there will be a message telling you which other station near you will be open and what number to call.

Contacting Police in person

• Go to your nearest Police station and tell the person on the front counter that you need to speak with a police officer in private to make a report.
• You don't need to make an appointment and you may be able to speak to an officer straight away.
• You can ask to speak with either a male or female officer and we will do our best to provide this.
• A Police officer will take brief notes of what has happened to decide what to do next, and make sure you are safe.

Preliminary Interview

• You will be referred to a trained Police investigator who will complete a short initial interview to assist with planning and prioritising the investigation and ensuring your safety.

Support services

• With your consent, a specialist sexual assault support service will be contacted and a support person will be assigned to you.
• It is your choice whether to receive support from a specialist sexual assault support service. You may prefer to use a friend or relative. The choice is yours.
• A support person will be available to you throughout all stages of the investigation and any court procedures.

Medical examination

• A medical examination may be arranged with a specially trained doctor who will provide medical assistance and carry out a forensic examination.

The examination has two purposes:

1. To deal with any health concerns such as sexually transmitted infections, or pregnancy.
2. To assist the police investigation through the collection of medical and forensic evidence if appropriate.

Formal interview

• A formal interview will be conducted. This interview records the details of the sexual assault and will form the basis of your statement for any criminal proceedings.
• The formal interview will normally be conducted by a specialist interviewer and will be electronically recorded. This allows for the option of applying to have the interview played in court as your evidence.

Investigation

• Police will investigate the complaint in a professional and timely way.
• Police will speak to people who may have information about the sexual assault and get evidence wherever possible.
• The investigation may take some time and suspects are usually spoken to after the key enquiries are completed.
• Police will always try to protect your privacy throughout an investigation.
• Police will keep you informed throughout the investigation process.
• Police will advise you whether charges are laid and what the charges are, or the reasons for not laying charges.

If you do choose to make a formal complaint you can find out more about what will happen in the Information for victims of sexual assault booklet .

Who decides if I make a formal complaint?

It is your decision whether you wish to make a formal complaint. The police will provide you with information to help you with this decision.

Will the offender be charged?

The job of the investigating officers is to find out what happened and gather the evidence needed to prove it. Once Police have all the evidence and have spoken to the relevant people a decision will be made on whether to prosecute (charge someone and take your case through the court process). The decision to prosecute will be made on a number of factors including all the evidence available and other considerations. Police will consult with you before a decision is made.

What are the effects of sexual assault?

The victim of a rape or sexual assault may experience a range of physical, emotional and behavioural effects. Some of these effects may include but are not limited to:

• fear
• anxiety
• shock
• shame
• self-blame
• numbness
• disbelief
• panic
• shaking
• anger
• loneliness
• embarrassment
• irritability
• guilt
• powerlessness
• loss of control
• vulnerability
• feeling disconnected
• distress
• confusion
• loss of appetite

It is a normal to experience one or more of these feelings. There are a number of agencies throughout New Zealand that can support victims of sexual assault. For a list of support agencies please click on the link below.

Find a sexual assault support centre near you

What is sexual assault?

Sexual assault is a term used to describe a range of sex crimes committed against a person. It is any unwanted or forced sex act or behaviour that has happened without a person’s consent.

Sexual assault may include:

• Rape (sexual intercourse without consent)
• Indecent assault (unwanted sexual touching)
• Acts of indecency (exposure)

Sexual assault is a violent crime and it is not always committed by strangers. Often the offender is known to the victim, and it can occur within relationships or marriage. It can be a terrifying experience that may have long term effects on the victim regardless of their age, gender, status, culture, ability or sexuality.

What is consent?

A person consents to sexual activity if they do it actively, freely, voluntarily and consciously without being pressured into it.

What is not consent?

Not resisting

• A person does not consent to sexual activity just because they do not protest or physically resist the activity.
• A person does not consent to sexual activity if they allow it because of physical force, or threats, or the fear of force.

Being impaired

• A person does not consent to sexual activity if it happens while they are asleep or unconscious.
• A person does not consent to sexual activity if it happens while they are so drunk or drugged that they cannot consent or refuse.
• A person does not consent to sexual activity if it happens while they are affected by an intellectual, mental, or physical condition to such an extent that they cannot consent or refuse.

Misunderstanding

• A person does not consent to sexual activity with another person if they allow it because they are mistaken about who the other person is.
• A person does not consent to an act of sexual activity if they allow it because they did not understand what was happening. For example: A person who consents to a Smear test or prostate examination by a professional, does not consent to them doing something to them sexually that is not part of the test.

The following video is an alternative way of explaining consent.