Safety advice

Dating Websites

Are you single and looking for love online? Well that’s okay but Police want to remind you to use your common sense to keep yourself safe when meeting people online.

Here are a few tips that will help.

  • Anyone can pretend to be someone else and post information that isn’t true. There is no way to know if someone is being honest about his or her age, or even gender.
  • Don’t reveal your surname, home or email address, workplace information or any phone numbers until you completely trust the person you're communicating with. Don't feel pressured to share any details before you are ready.
  • If someone is making you feel uncomfortable then stop returning messages.
  • Communicate through the dating website until you're absolutely ready to move onto the next step. If you're not comfortable with the outcome of the phone calls then there is no need to take things any further.
  • Do not give out your bank account details or offer your credit card numbers to anyone, no matter how good their reasons for asking might appear. Never send money to people you have met through a dating website. Alert the dating website immediately if anyone asks you for money.
  • Ask to see photos - if you've been chatting with someone and they refuse to provide a picture (or the picture looks like it may have been 'borrowed' from a website), be suspicious. You have a right to ask for more than one photo.
  • If you are going to meet face to face, meet in a public area, take a friend or tell someone where you are going and when to expect you home.
  • Don’t feel bad about cutting the date short. If it doesn't feel right to you, make your excuses and leave.
  • Sometimes a date might go further than expected. Don’t do anything you don’t want to. If you change your mind about how far you want to go with someone, you can stop what is happening at any time. You do not need to apologise. You don’t owe them anything. Be clear and insistent.
  • Report any problems to the dating website and anything more serious to Police.

Remember - trust your instincts!

Socialising

  • Make sure your phone is fully charged before you head out.
  • If you are planning on drinking, then it’s a good idea to have something substantial to eat before you start drinking.
  • Plan how you're getting home at the end of your night.
  • Always take cash or an eftpos card just in case you need to pay for transport home.
  • Don't wander off from your friends when out and about. It’s easy to lose people in clubs so always let your friends know where you're going.
  • Have a place to meet up with your friends if you get separated.
  • Have a glass of water between each alcoholic drink.
  • Don’t leave your drink unattended or accept any drinks that you haven't personally seen poured, especially from strangers.
  • Make sure you’re going home with the same number of people you started with. Look after your friends.
  • Program a taxi number into your phone.

Running / Walking at night

  • Carry a phone with you.
  • Make sure you tell someone where you’re going and how long you expect to be.
  • Stick to well-lit and busy areas.
  • Avoid alleyways or shortcuts.
  • Stick to areas that you are familiar with.
  • It’s always safer to exercise with another person or in a group.

Feedback

If you have been a victim of sexual assault you may also provide feedback to the New Zealand Police by completing a short survey. It will be used to improve the quality of service Police provide to victims of sexual abuse.

The survey can be completed anonymously. Please click on the link below.

Adult sexual assault victims survey

 

Complaints

If you have any concerns about the way your investigation is being handled you can contact the National Sexual Violence Team at Police National Headquarters for advice, by emailing ASA@police.govt.nz.

Victim's Rights

What are my rights during the investigation?

The Victims’ Rights Act 2002 gives you rights and requires Police to:

  • Treat you with courtesy and compassion.
  • Respect your dignity and privacy.
  • Advise of services available to you.
  • Keep you informed of progress in the investigation.
  • Advise you whether charges are laid and what the charges are, or the reasons for not laying charges.

Complaints and Feedback

If you have any concerns about the way your investigation is being handled you can contact the National Sexual Violence Team at Police National Headquarters for advice, by emailing ASA@police.govt.nz.

If you have been a victim of sexual assault you may also provide feedback to the New Zealand Police by completing a short survey. It will be used to improve the quality of service Police provide to victims of sexual abuse.

The survey can be completed anonymously. Please click on the link below.

Adult sexual assault victims survey

Myths and facts

Sexual assault myths and facts

Myth: Sexual assaults are only committed by strangers.
Fact: The majority of people who commit sexual assaults know their victims and in some cases are relations, friends or work colleagues. Partners and spouses can also commit sexual assaults.

Myth: Rape is a 'spur of the moment' act.
Fact: Most rapists plan carefully in advance, and set up situations so the rape can take place. A rapist is capable of raping again and again.

Myth: Rape only happens when men lose their self-control.
Fact: Men who rape know exactly what they are doing. Research shows that men who sexually offend often do so to gain a sense of power and authority.

Myth: A woman can't be raped by her husband.
Fact: Rape in marriage is not uncommon. It's also a crime. When a spouse is forced to have sex through emotional or financial blackmail it is rape. Rape or sexual assaults can occur within marriage and/or relationships whether the victims are heterosexual or homosexual.

Myth: It is not that serious. I don’t need to report it as it won’t happen again.
Fact: Rape and/or sexual assault are criminal offences which carry sentences of imprisonment. The perpetrator may reoffend if they are not challenged by Police.

Myth: Women 'ask for it' by the way they dress or behave.
Fact: This is like saying that someone wants to be robbed because they have money in their wallet. Rapists look for easy targets, not women who dress or behave in a particular way. Nobody asks to be hurt or degraded.

Myth: Only young women are raped.
Fact: Rape is an act of violence that can happen at any time in a person’s life regardless of age, ethnicity, sexual orientation or gender.

Myth: 'Men cannot be sexually assaulted'.
Fact: Any unwanted sexual contact against any person by any other person is a sexual assault.

Myth: 'Male rape is a gay crime'.
Fact: Sexual assault is ultimately about power, control or domination of the other person, rather than a sexual attraction to one specific gender.

Myth: ‘Women always lie about rape.’
Fact: Women are more likely to deny or minimise sexual assault experiences than make them up. Those working with male sex offenders say one of the hardest things is overcoming the men’s denial that they did anything wrong.

Myth: ‘Alcohol causes rape.’
Fact: Alcohol can reduce inhibitions, but does not remove the responsibility of raping, or justify a victim being raped. ‘Having sex’ with a person too drunk to consent, or asleep or unconscious, is rape.